Friday, June 7, 2013

YCMTSU--The Dreaded Italian "toilet"

It's Friday--and you know what that means! It's time for my next installment of UCMTSU! (You can't make this shit up).

If you have never been to Italy, or have been as a tourist and only vacationed here in larger "touristy" cities like Florence, Venice, or Rome, you may think that the title of this blog refers to the bidet.

You're probably thinking something along the lines of "A bidet isn't THAT's not like you HAVE to use it if you don't want to..."

Some of these thoughts are true.  We DO have bidets in Italy.  In fact, I think it would be safe to say that an Italian house is actually MORE likely to have a bidet then it would be to NOT have one.  I've actually never been to a home here that DIDN'T have one.  And it's true, you don't have to use it if you don't want to...

But you would be wrong about one thing... the "dreaded Italian toilet" that I'm referring to in the title of this post ISN'T the bidet...

It's the so-called "squatty potty"--the bane of the existence of any American Living in Italy.  Never heard tales of these?

Here's what one looks like:


Imagine trying to use one for the first time...


Imagine trying to talk your 2 1/2 year old POTTY TRAINING little girl who really has to pee pee that this strange hole in the ground really IS the potty, even when she's looking at you like "Seriously???!!!"


the poop

( I said that last part really quietly...)

Still confused?

Here's a little "squatty potty" learnin'.

1.  Sigh in disgust when you open the door and realize it's a squatty potty

2. Shut the door and lock it--if it even has a lock (or a door for that matter)

3.  Arrange your clothing so that they are not in the way of whatever business you need to take care of, paying serious carefulness that they do not COME CLOSE to touching anything remotely near the ground

4. Back up

5. But, GOOD God, DON'T slip, trip, or fall

6. Place your feet on either side of the hole...See those little ridges, that's where you put your feet

7. Don't touch ANYTHING--scream at your children like a lunatic to not touch ANYTHING--and just a tip, I tell my little ones that acid is EVERYWHERE and it will burn their skin off if they touch anything...I'm sure this might have a little to do with their reluctance to use these...

8. Pray

9. Do your business

10. Wipe--and then aim for the hole--whoever went before me did not do this....

11. Arrange your clothing and then leave...

12. Cover your body in hand sanitizer because squatty potties almost NEVER have a sink where you can wash your hands

Where can you look for one of these precious gems?  These can be found in most public buildings, like bars, average priced restaurants, and certainly anything like zoos, castles (these one is at Soave and actually one of the cleaner ones I've seen), and sports facilities.

I know, right?

Now, I bet you're thinking that what I really mean is that these "squatty potties" are really rest stops.
Nope, wrong again.

THIS is a rest stop in Italy:

Daddy, Jackson and Steve 

Typing this, I just realized where the term "pit stop" probably comes from...

And so to wrap up this week and our UCMTSU post, let's review:

Germany public toilet:

They even have one for the wee folks...(pun intended)

Italian public toilet:

Perhaps this is why the Germany's felt it necessary to place this sign over the commodes in a public restroom we visited:

They know the Italians are used to standing up....

Have a GREAT weekend!

And please don't forget to vote (daily, because obvious you have NOTHING better to do....)

1 comment :

  1. OH MY GOD! I love this! My first encounter was South Korea but then one night we were at a restaurant and let's just say... I had to poop. Bad. Opened the stall and BAM! This is what I got. Uh no. Just.... No. I held it. Ha!


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